28 year young.
The 27th of may was my birthday. My parents got me a brand new flat screen TV.
Now, the whole living-room sparkles with technology.
As the documentary flashes on the TV screen, memories run through my mind.
When I was a kid, I wanted to work in genetics. In a white coat, manipulating the human genome to create life or give myself extra arms.
I was thinking that it was where the biggest breakthroughs would be coming from, and it could also be a way to achieve immortality.
Mess with the genes, and then prevent the ageing process. Just like those jellyfish that were discovered lately. They can revert back to their youth at will, therefore achieving biological immortality ( and by the way, massively conquering the ocean ).
Why did I want to become immortal?
I can recall the exact moment when I became aware of my own mortality. Things around me were bound to stay, and me, being the random assembly of cells that I am, would disappear in the dust someday. I would not matter any more.
I hate turning 14. There could have been so many things I could have achieved before 14. And I realized there was no sports where I could become a champion any more, because I had not started early enough.
What’s the point of doing anything, if it does not matter at the end of the day?
Life would fly by, and I’d have kids, a big house and time to spare doing god knows what. But fast forwarding, I’d be dead. I suppose that’s what buddhism is about. It’s about accepting the idea of death and that nothing lasts… pain, anger, joy… those are just short moments.
Dissolving yourself in something makes life easier. Dissolve yourself in a quest.
Dissolve yourself in your quest for knowledge, accumulating data, money, travels or women. Dissolving yourself gives you drive. Drive to move forward.
You lose yourself. You become something else.
But what happens if you don’t?
I always felt I did not have enough time, and yet I spend incredible hours in front of my computer watching stupid TV series, as anesthesiated, unaware of time flowing.
I was looking for “potentiality”.
What is “potentiality”?
Money and Time are potential.
Money is the potential to buy things
Time is the potential to do things.
The only things that interested me as big targets were being a millionaire or being immortal. But I have no idea what I could do with this potential. Give me a million, I’ll put it in the bank.
Carpe diem. Seize the day They say. Doesn’t help me much in the end.
Some random thoughts running through my mind.